Compassionate Care: Preparing for the Doctor Visit — And Advocating for Your Loved One
Taking a loved one with dementia to the doctor can sometimes feel like running a marathon you didn’t sign up for. By the time you’ve gotten them dressed, coaxed them into the car, found parking, and sat in the waiting room, you may already feel drained. And then the real challenge begins: trying to remember what you wanted to ask, keeping your loved one calm, and making sure the doctor really hears you.
You’re not alone. Every caregiver I talk to says the same thing: “I always leave wishing I had remembered to ask just one more question.”
So how do we make these visits less stressful — and more useful? It comes down to two things: preparation and advocacy.
📝 Before the Visit: Setting Yourself Up for Success
Think of the appointment as a chance to tell your loved one’s story, not just a quick medical update. Keeping a care journal is one of the simplest yet most powerful tools you can bring. Write down changes you notice as they happen:
- Has their sleep pattern shifted?
- Are they more restless in the evenings?
- Do they seem more confused in familiar spaces?
- Are you noticing changes in appetite or bathroom habits?
Even small shifts matter. A doctor might not see these day-to-day patterns in a 15-minute appointment, but your notes provide context.
👉 Tip: A week before the visit, flip through your journal and create a “short list” of your top two or three concerns. You won’t be able to cover everything in one sitting, so focus on what matters most right now.
It can also help to prepare your loved one. Let them know (in simple, calm terms) what’s going to happen. Sometimes role-playing — “The doctor is going to listen to your heart, just like last time” — eases their anxiety.
❤️ During the Visit: Finding Your Voice
This is where your role as an advocate really shines. Advocacy doesn’t mean being argumentative or confrontational. It means speaking up when your loved one cannot.
Doctors are human — and they’re busy. It’s okay to say:
- “Can you explain that again, in simpler terms?”
- “Could you write that down for me?”
- “I want to make sure I understand how to give this medication.”
If you don’t ask, you might leave unsure — and uncertainty only adds stress at home.
Involve your loved one when possible. Even if they struggle to understand, asking, “Does that sound okay to you, Dad?” or “Would you like me to write that down for us?” keeps them included. This isn’t just a medical visit — it’s a matter of dignity.
👉 Story example: I once heard from a caregiver who brought her husband to an appointment. The doctor kept directing questions only to her, as though her husband wasn’t in the room. Finally, she gently said, “Could you ask him first? He can answer for himself.” It was such a small act, but it restored her husband’s voice in that moment. That is advocacy in action.
📌 After the Visit: Turning Information into Action
The visit doesn’t end when you walk out the door. In fact, the most important part may happen afterward: putting what you learned into practice.
Before you leave the parking lot, take five minutes to jot down the doctor’s instructions while they’re fresh. Write down:
- Medication changes (dosage, timing, side effects to watch for)
- Any new recommendations (like more exercise, adjusting diet, or a referral to a specialist)
- Follow-up appointments or tests
And if you leave with confusion or uncertainty? Don’t let it fester. Call the office. Many clinics have nurses on call who can answer clarifying questions.
👉 Tip: If your loved one struggles with medical visits, try to schedule them at their “best” time of day. For many people with dementia, mornings are calmer and clearer than late afternoons when fatigue or “sundowning” sets in.
🌟 Final Thoughts: Your Voice Matters
Doctor visits with a loved one who has dementia will never be completely stress-free. But with preparation and advocacy, they can become opportunities for clarity, connection, and care.
Every time you show up with your journal, ask the hard questions, or gently redirect the conversation back to your loved one, you are giving them dignity. You are ensuring their story is heard.
At Compassionate Care, we believe these moments matter. You are not “just a caregiver” — you are the historian, the advocate, and the voice for someone who may no longer be able to speak for themselves. And that, dear friend, is powerful. 💜
