Compassionate Care: Why Asking for Help is Not Only Okay – It’s Essential
Dementia caregiving is more than just assisting with tasks like bathing, meals, and medications. It’s the constant emotional vigilance, the worry when your loved one doesn’t recognize you, and the loneliness of watching someone you love slowly slip away. You carry a tremendous weight, and no one is meant to carry that weight alone.
Here’s why asking for help is crucial:
✔️ It Prevents Burnout
Chronic exhaustion, emotional numbness, resentment, and even physical illness are signs of caregiver burnout. Sharing the load allows you to rest and recharge, reducing the risk of serious health issues.
✔️ It Improves the Quality of Care
When you’re tired, overwhelmed, or emotionally depleted, it’s harder to give your best to your loved one. Getting support means your loved one gets better care, too.
✔️ It Allows Others to Give
Many people want to help but aren’t sure how. When you ask, you give them a chance to show up—and sometimes, they just need permission.
✔️ It Gives You Back Parts of Yourself
Asking for help creates space for you to attend to your own life—your friendships, your health, your passions. You are more than just a caregiver.
🌿 Why It’s So Hard to Ask for Help
Before we get into how to ask, let’s name what holds so many caregivers back:
💬 “I don’t want to burden anyone.”
You may feel that others are too busy or wouldn’t understand. But remember: people who care about you want to be there. Giving them a role helps them feel included and useful.
💬 “I feel guilty stepping away.”
Guilt is one of the heaviest emotions caregivers carry. But taking breaks isn’t abandoning your loved one. It’s ensuring you’re healthy enough to keep going.
💬 “No one can do it like I do.”
That might be true—no one else knows them the way you do. But someone can still sit with them, take them on a walk, or give them a meal, even if it’s not done perfectly.
💬 “I’ve always been the strong one.”
Being strong doesn’t mean doing everything yourself. It means knowing your limits and valuing your own well-being enough to ask for help when it’s needed.
🧭 How to Start Asking for Help
1. Make a List of Tasks You Need Help With
Start small. Think about the things that drain you or take up a lot of time. Then list them out. This makes it easier to match helpers with tasks.
Examples:
- Sitting with your loved one while you run errands
- Preparing a meal once a week
- Driving your loved one to a doctor’s appointment
- Managing insurance paperwork
- Walking the dog
- Picking up groceries
Real-life tip: Keep a physical or digital list so when someone asks, “Is there anything I can do?”—you have an answer ready.
2. Start with People You Trust
Reach out to close family members or friends you feel comfortable with. Be honest, clear, and specific. Instead of “I’m overwhelmed,” try:
- “Could you come over on Thursday so I can take an hour to rest?”
- “Would you be willing to pick up groceries once a week?”
- “Can we set up a schedule where I have one evening a week off?”
People are more likely to help when they know exactly what’s needed.
3. Use Available Services and Programs
Sometimes help needs to come from outside your personal circle. And that’s okay.
Helpful resources:
- Adult day programs – Provide social activities and care during the day.
- In-home respite care – Trained caregivers come to your home for a few hours.
- Support groups – Emotional support from people who truly understand.
- Meal delivery services – One less thing to worry about.
- Transportation assistance – Local nonprofits or senior services often offer rides to appointments.
Real-life story:
“I used to think asking for help meant I wasn’t doing enough,” said Jean, who cares for her husband with early-onset Alzheimer’s. “Then I joined a caregiver support group, and it changed everything. I stopped feeling so alone.”
4. Accept the Help That’s Offered
When someone offers help—accept it. Even if it’s not the way you’d do it. Even if it’s just for a short time.
- If a friend offers to bring dinner—say yes.
- If your sister says she can visit every Sunday—say yes.
- If a neighbor offers to mow the lawn—say yes.
Every bit of help frees up time and energy for you to rest, reflect, and breathe.
5. Use Technology to Coordinate Support
There are tools that can make it easier to organize help without repeating yourself constantly:
- Lotsa Helping Hands – Create a care calendar and invite others to sign up for tasks.
- CaringBridge – Share updates with family and friends in one place.
- Google Calendar or shared apps – Coordinate doctor appointments, visits, and care schedules.
These tools can streamline communication and make it easier to share the load.
💬 What You Can Say When You Need Help
Here are some phrases that might feel more comfortable:
- “I know you’re busy, but I could really use an extra set of hands this week.”
- “Would you mind sitting with Dad for an hour so I can get some fresh air?”
- “I’m exhausted and just need someone to talk to—can we chat for a bit?”
- “I’m realizing I can’t do this alone. Can we make a plan together?”
You don’t have to explain everything. You don’t have to justify. You just have to ask.
💙 Final Thoughts: You Deserve Support, Too
You are showing up every day for someone who may not always be able to say thank you.
You are making decisions, giving comfort, holding grief.
You are doing enough.
But you are also a person with needs, feelings, and limits. You deserve rest. You deserve care. You deserve support.
At Compassionate Care, we believe in holding space for the caregivers as much as the ones they care for. Asking for help isn’t a sign that you’re not doing enough—it’s a sign that you love yourself enough to recognize that you matter, too.
